Who Am I ? :D

di hari Senin pagi ini, iseng-iseng buka http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com dan dan.. menjadi tertarik, dan hasilnya adalah :

You are Brown Koala who does not try to make yourself look grand

You are naturally good natured, and although you tend to be bit aloof from the world, you have warmness that attracts people.
You are a person of integrity.
People think you as someone who is always by their side.
You give an impression of someone easy to get on with.
You have grace and intelligence, and there's something about you that makes other people admire you.
You have a very sensitive personality.
You may have cried your eyes out by watching an emotional film.
Your sensitiveness makes you not trust others easily.
But even if you can not trust them, you will not get in a conflict.
You think high of your senses and a will power to put into action.
You are extremely good at handling work as well as personal relationships.
You dislike having to bow down to authority.
You have a strong will to stand against something that is unreasonable, and will refuse orders even if it is from your boss.
You have a fighting spirit that you don't show often.
You tend to place your self a step back in a society, so you lack ambition and a desire to succeed.
But because of this, you don't have desire for material things, and will gain trust of the others.
You are kind to those around you, and hard on yourself.

Some are true.. some are... secret :p

-Asa-

Saya dan.... mmm Kita ?

saya maunya sih kamu..

tapi kamu kadang mau kadang tidak.

saya butuh yang bisa diandalkan..

tapi kamu sepertinya tidak ingin bisa diandalkan saya. capek ya ?

saya butuh yang menuntun..

tapi kamu tampaknya ga mau pusing-pusing mikirin saya.

saya kira itu kamu, dan pasti kamu..

tapi kemudian, kayanya itu dulu.. sekarang ? gak tau saya.

kalo gitu... sekarang.. saya juga ga mau pusing-pusing deh.

kamu dengan kekamuan, dan saya dengan kesayaan..

baru ada kekitaan kadang-kadang.. atau mungkin kapan-kapan.

ini itu aku tak tahu.

it may be you.. or it may not be you

it can be us.. or just you and me, at the present being of togetherness.

we learned..

the same things, differently.

thus,

that what makes us having the same thing,

but different perception.

I'm always hopeful, for anything.

I'm always hopeful for you, for what we have.

but it's you.. always

the hope crasher. you're dissappointing. Period

(just a share)

All this time I learn to pursue.. and get it..

but, I've never learned how to nurture and take care of what I already have..

I've never learned that every single thing has two sides..

That was my mistake..

Once is enough..

I don't wanna lose you.. ever.

Curiosity Kills Meh…

Hmm. I don’t know where to start actually.


Hm Okay then, I did a purposeless searching today. Out of the blue, I turned curious about his past. Next thing I know.. I was in front of my laptop busy clicking next and next and next and next pictures, please.

I dig a thing or two through his account. Guess what I found?

A lot of pictures of him……….. and her.
And they speak thousand words reciting his past for me…

Curiosity kills the cat, I admit. I got killed today.

I have a bit fling of jealousy. It feels like.. ‘Geez, she has much more memories together with him. A lot more than me. Who am I thinking his heart is mine?’

I feel inferior, it’s like I am nothing meaningful for him (compared to her). This may be a bit too much and childish, I know.

But, give it a shot. Have you ever imagined those sweet things he does, was hers. Those imaginary pictures about me, him, and our future, was once her, the same him, and their future. Those sweet words come out from his mouth, was once addressed to her. The love and adoration seen from his eyes each time he sees me smiling because of him, was hers. The devotion and all sacrifices he does, was done because of her. Warmth generated each time his hand holds mine, was once hers. Those lovely and heart-melting nicks, was used to call her. Liveliness he has because of me, was once because of her. Those hurried heartbeat and clumsiness he made in front of me, was once her. Those trips he has with me accompanying, was with her. And part of his life he willingly shares with me, was. . . .

Ah well, I got really killed. And. Staggered……

Those days he can never share with me, was shared with her. I know it’s just part of his past, but past will always be a part of him I will never see myself, whereas she can.

I may look stupid and childish by doing this, but I can’t resist the lure. But..
After all, what I’ve done gets me thinking….

If only I don’t have any ex boyfriend or whatever it is called. If only my first and only boyfriend is him. If only I’ve never shared my days with any other boy, other than him. . . Aku ingin menjaganya dari perasaan yang sama seperti yang aku rasakan sekarang karena foto-foto itu. Hhhh..

Aku jadi merasa lemah, merasa everything I have is taken for granted. Nothing is guaranteed to last forever. So is his feeling… And my feeling. Fair enough.

I may not feel this way, I know. But I admit that I do.

At the end of the day, I realized. There’s nothing like possession exists. I may not let my heart got carried away thinking that he’s mine.

Apparently, he is not.

He is just an angel God sent to accompany me, and God has ultimate right to take it back whenever God wants it to be or let him by my side till the death do us apart.
No such thing like 'really' forever exists.

Tersadar kalo aku harus mempersiapkan hati pada apapun yang mungkin terjadi. Sedih, senang, apapun itu, semuanya hanya titipan. Senang itu sebuah hadiah, menghadirkan tawa di wajah dan rasa syukur. Sedih juga sebuah hadiah, menghadirkan air mata di wajah dan seharusnya ‘juga’ rasa syukur. Jaga hati dari rasa memiliki untuk selamanya, karena semuanya hanya titipan :)





With L
Ms Hope

My thought :)

Honesty
is important.
but,
how well can you accept honest facts,
honest words and honest deeds?
can you easily say 'I'm glad you're being honest to me, that's what matter' ?
It takes courage to say honest words and do honest deeds.
But,
It takes maturity. .
to appreciate honest fact,
and express : 'at least you've been so honest. That's the only thing that matters. We're cool now'

My inaudible shout.

Oh dear God. .
Is this Your way of telling me that he ain't deserve my worth?
If so, then I got the message undoubtedly.
Though it hurts *do you know that deep inside I'm hurt? Bet you don't. . . care* to see how things are going nowadays, but yeah.. It's what we call Life.
In an existence called Life, you can fly as high as an eagle and simultaneously you crash the edge.
I know I was oblivious with his 'this one' trait, with anything, but I don't. I was probably blinded, but I am not.

All I want to say just THANK YOU, I am grateful to see the real you.

No grudge, cause the best revenge is by living well.

You've taught me something, I appreciate it.

I reckon God has more outstanding blueprint of how my life should be, and there's no his name written on it, the most heartless man I've ever encountered upon.


After all, God.
If these all are what best for me, I'll take it, whatever it is.
You know much more beyond my conscience, God.
I know you watch every step I take and every move I made.
Never let my hand off Your hold..


L
Ms Hope